Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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