Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
