I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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