wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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