So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Randomize
