Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
