I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
