I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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