I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
