im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
