this beer tastes like vomit already
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize