Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
