you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
