Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I have already put on my inside pants.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
