They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
