I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Randomize
