I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
