It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
