i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Just cropdusted the office
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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