this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
