It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
So I just went to clothing optional bar
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
