Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
