I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
