she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
