next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize