Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
