what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
