She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
