My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
