I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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