so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
