I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
a search helicopter?!
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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