D3 body, D1 cock
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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