Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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