Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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