cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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