I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
