The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Randomize
