She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
