I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
