she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
