You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
