so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
our cab driver is having phone sex.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
