I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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