I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
