don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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