just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She told me I should be a condom model.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
