If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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