i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
