I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
