I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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