Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize