i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
