It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
