I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize