im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
