just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
