i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Randomize
