I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
