butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
