hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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