actually, I'm a sock model
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
