i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you would pick up someone in the library
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
