Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
