just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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