i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
