yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
