i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize