thus making me awesome and them whores
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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