I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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