My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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