I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
