I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
